Chris Luke's Rejection Letter

Dear Chris,

Thank you for your enthusiasm in my spanish class. You are the only person who tries to learn in the class. However, you should try harder. Your attempt to speak fluent spanish is comparable to a beligerent drunk singing free bird. Everyone in the class would appreciate if you would not try to speak in spanish anymore because quite frankly, you make us all dumber by listening. You still don't know how to conjugate ser in the present tense, or the fact that the word, "quesadilla" is not an option for every question I ask you. I highly encourage you to visit Mrs. Terwilliger as soon as possible to request a drop to Spanish For Idiots.


Sincerly, Mrs. Hart


Dear Chris,

I appreciate the fact you think I am very pretty but I don't think you are my type. People who are immature, ugly, stupid, and perverted don't exactly light my fire. I do not have a boyfriend but I would never consider you an option for dating. My boyfrind has to be a superstar athlete with huge muscles, a Ph.D, a nice car and lots of money. You possess none of those traits and never will. Thanks for the compliments though.


Ms. Dillion

Chocolate Milk

Dear Chocolate Milk,

You never cease to amaze me. There is not a time of day when I do not dreaming of pouring a nice, cold glass of your beautiful deliciousness. Although I can not enjoy your presence with all of my meals due to your high sugar content, you are the best post workout drink there is. You are high in protein, low in fat, a great source of calcium as well as many other vitamins and minderals. With your help I will grow big and strong like Mr. Lunn, which is what I am striving for. After a rough game or practice, a glass of you just makes all of my troubles disappear. I love you and plan to keep our relatiopnship going strong for the rest of my life.

Love, Thomas